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Mom of a dysphoric kid's avatar

Thank you for your honesty. From my perspective as a mom to a mentally-I’ll child who has declared a “trans” identity, I believe we should be clear that humans cannot change sex. It is not kind to tell vulnerable, dysphoric, depressed and/or autistic kids that they can. It is not bigotry. This is what love looks like.

I feel deeply betrayed by the medical, mental health and activist community. I have harmed my child and encouraged the harming of others. I will always regret it.

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Elizabeth Hummel's avatar

Maci—thank you for this piece, I am grateful to learn about your experiences and hear your thoughts. And thanks to Glenn for sharing your words with us. As Glenn knows, I was honestly terrified about being attacked for expressing my views. So I greatly appreciate your intelligent and nuanced tone. Even more than that, I appreciate the kindness I sense underneath your words. And I agree 100% with Glenn that what is most needed is for all of us to be able to talk to each other, learn from both the hard data and different people’s “lived experiences,” and come to better solutions for everyone in our society. Your lived experience matters, and your voice matters.

It makes sense to me that adults for whom transitioning has been a life-saving relief, the heartfelt desire to spare children like them the pain they went through is natural. As I tried to convey in my piece, I believe a percentage of people with persistent gender dysphoria have always been amongst humans, and in all cultures. From what I read in stories like yours, this experience is very difficult, whether classified as a mental health issue, a “social contagion,” an innate and fixed state of gender, or otherwise. The classification matters very much and is part of the debate/conversation about policies and practices, but in the meantime the pain is real and deserves compassion and yes, being nice to Remus.

Medical transitioning for adults has clearly been a relief for you and many others, including people in my own life. But I am glad to hear that your perspective has evolved to be more cautious when it comes to children. I have heard from many other trans-identified people who feel the same way. They are worried about the children as well as worried about backlash to themselves. Just like John and Glenn, "the Black Guys," speaking up against some of the harms in the orthodoxy of antiracism, your thoughts as a trans woman on this topic carry a punch and an authority that mine do not with people that need to be reached.

Gender dysphoria, regardless of its cause, is a real and serious human anguish. We need much more research on how to alleviate it. Your comparison with turning into a werewolf is powerful and beautiful. People need to understand just how difficult and strange this experience of gender dysphoria is, and how urgently we need to find ways to help people who feel this way.

I have much to learn. I would welcome the opportunity to have more conversations with you. Perhaps Glenn’s team could facilitate that, if you are open. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts.

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