Oh wow I can’t believe my Q is featured! Here’s an update that I posted on the other thread:
I must admit that after posting, I bought a picture book about racism for my son (not by Kendi). However, I don’t think it helped, so John was correct that I should have kept it simple.
I interrogated my son about the “why” without getting a solid answer. Then I asked him to think of the people knows with brown skin, and he listed his Asian friends (who are the exact same shade as my son). I said “Wait, what do you think you are?” and he said he’s white. (He’s half white, half Asian).
Ever since the incident last year, he has been insecure about not having light eyes and skin like me (his white mom) so I wonder if he has some internal prejudice. But I know it’s more than that, because last week, a group of Black kids came to the playground, and he complained to me that kids with “brown skin” were there. (I shushed him and he ended up playing with one of them.)
ANYWAY, I think I’m overanalyzing his comments which are not coherent or consistent. I’m going to try to chill.
But Glenn is absolutely right that as a parent, it’s scary to imagine anyone hearing my child say something “racist.” Honestly, I thought poorly of the white child who made fun of him last year. It’s good to remember that little kids say all sorts of things without understanding the context.
I think that's a widely felt experience for young dark skinned kids, especially the shame that comes with it
I have south Asian heritage and brown skin (middle shade between John and Glenn, for context). I remember starting at age 5 having my thick black hair picked at daily, and my skin color and name disparaged by white peers. In hindsight it sounds ridiculous, but I remember coveting blonde hair, light skin and "white" names.
I wish someone had sat me down and had that race talk, like between ages 5 and 7. I'm sure I would have understood.
This is hard stuff. I'd say that kids can be mean. One way that can manifest is by kids picking on other kids' differences. Yes, that can be skin color, but it can also be hair style, clothing, taste in music, athletic ability, the contents of their lunchbox, with whom they hang out, etc. The list goes on. I think it can provide helpful perspective for parents to see words or behavior that seem racist as part of this bigger whole. In other words, it can be helpful to understand this context, as it leaves open the possibility that seemingly racist words or behavior are a function of kids reaching for a difference to criticize, rather than motivated by actual racial animus. Yes, kids need to know such words or behavior are wrong, but it is typically more constructive to make a distinction between the sinner and the sin, so to speak. With this deeper understanding of what might be going on, parents can be more effective in addressing whatever needs to be addressed in an age appropriate way. My two cents' worth. I hope it's useful. All the best to you and your son.
Oh wow I can’t believe my Q is featured! Here’s an update that I posted on the other thread:
I must admit that after posting, I bought a picture book about racism for my son (not by Kendi). However, I don’t think it helped, so John was correct that I should have kept it simple.
I interrogated my son about the “why” without getting a solid answer. Then I asked him to think of the people knows with brown skin, and he listed his Asian friends (who are the exact same shade as my son). I said “Wait, what do you think you are?” and he said he’s white. (He’s half white, half Asian).
Ever since the incident last year, he has been insecure about not having light eyes and skin like me (his white mom) so I wonder if he has some internal prejudice. But I know it’s more than that, because last week, a group of Black kids came to the playground, and he complained to me that kids with “brown skin” were there. (I shushed him and he ended up playing with one of them.)
ANYWAY, I think I’m overanalyzing his comments which are not coherent or consistent. I’m going to try to chill.
But Glenn is absolutely right that as a parent, it’s scary to imagine anyone hearing my child say something “racist.” Honestly, I thought poorly of the white child who made fun of him last year. It’s good to remember that little kids say all sorts of things without understanding the context.
I think that's a widely felt experience for young dark skinned kids, especially the shame that comes with it
I have south Asian heritage and brown skin (middle shade between John and Glenn, for context). I remember starting at age 5 having my thick black hair picked at daily, and my skin color and name disparaged by white peers. In hindsight it sounds ridiculous, but I remember coveting blonde hair, light skin and "white" names.
I wish someone had sat me down and had that race talk, like between ages 5 and 7. I'm sure I would have understood.
This is hard stuff. I'd say that kids can be mean. One way that can manifest is by kids picking on other kids' differences. Yes, that can be skin color, but it can also be hair style, clothing, taste in music, athletic ability, the contents of their lunchbox, with whom they hang out, etc. The list goes on. I think it can provide helpful perspective for parents to see words or behavior that seem racist as part of this bigger whole. In other words, it can be helpful to understand this context, as it leaves open the possibility that seemingly racist words or behavior are a function of kids reaching for a difference to criticize, rather than motivated by actual racial animus. Yes, kids need to know such words or behavior are wrong, but it is typically more constructive to make a distinction between the sinner and the sin, so to speak. With this deeper understanding of what might be going on, parents can be more effective in addressing whatever needs to be addressed in an age appropriate way. My two cents' worth. I hope it's useful. All the best to you and your son.