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Michael McChesney's avatar

Just because someone is a hypocrite doesn't mean they aren't right. My father smoked most of his life. At one point he quit for almost 2 years. But one night he was at the bar drinking with friends and he bummed a cigarette. He didn't quit again until he was literally too sick to go to a store to buy cigarettes. He died in 2001 at age 59 from heart failure. My father always told me never to start smoking. That made him a hypocrite, but it was certainly good advice to follow.

I have identified as agnostic since I was 16. My own crisis of faith was not an emotional reaction, but really more the result of an intellectual thought process. My 10th grade English class was reading Greek mythology when I began wondering about the similarities between ancient Greek religious beliefs and my own Catholic faith. Why did they believe in these fanciful tales that pretty much everyone rejects the truth of today? I came up with 3 reasons. First, it was what they were taught by parents and teachers. Second, it was what everyone around them believed. Third, it provided explanations for phenomena that they couldn't otherwise understand. For example, the reason that the sun moves across the sky is because Apollo pulls it with his chariot. Then I asked myself why I believed in God? I decided that it was for the same 3 reasons. I also decided that those reasons weren't sufficient to justify believing. There were all kinds of stories in the Bible about miracles, but there had also been many stories of miracles performed by the Olympian Gods. God was a possible explanation for where the Universe, Earth, and life had come from. But just because Science can't answer those questions currently, doesn't mean that God is the correct answer. Occam's razor and all that.

I can't say for certain there is no God, but I think it's extremely unlikely. I actually considered Pascal's wager before I had ever heard of it. Isn't it safer to believe in case God exists? But I decided that if what I had been taught in Catholic school about God was correct, if I lived a good life treating others as I would want to be treated, I don't think that God would damn me to Hell because I didn't go to church on Sundays. After all, God gave me the ability to reason. If he wanted me to believe he could certainly provide evidence that would convince me. I have avoided the atheist label, both because I can't disprove God's existence and because I didn't like the attitudes of most high profile atheists. At least that was true of the people famous for their disbelief. I hate the way certain atheists delight in mocking the faithful for their belief in "superstition." Bill Maher anyone?

I have struggled most of my adult life with depression. It took many years before I realized that was what my problem was. It wasn't until recently that I connected my first symptoms of depression during my junior year of high school with my crisis of faith the year before. In retrospect, it's hard to believe I missed the connection. I believe that faith can be very powerful irregardless of whether that faith is justified by reality. Faith that God will give you the strength to overcome adversity might be the only reason a person might try to overcome it instead of giving up because they see their situation as hopeless. Faith can also provide comfort. We lost my mother a few years ago. I so wish that I believed I would see her again. My own health is generally poor. My one saving grace is that I never smoked. But I suffer from complications from diabetes and a back injury sustained when I was rear ended at a red light. Today, I am retired on disability. I live alone and haven't dated anyone in over a decade. I have siblings as well as 2 nieces and a nephew. My nieces live in CA. My nephew I get to see every couple of weeks. As much as I love them, I wish I had more to live for. I honestly wish I could believe in God again. But my rational mind keeps telling me that the more I desperately I want something to be true, the more skeptical I should be. Maybe I should rethink Pascal's wager.

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Mike Heflin's avatar

Excellent commentary on the issues of the day. Thanks for sharing.

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