Hi Maci, in general I agree with you about bathrooms. In specific, as a society there are still some issues to resolve about it. For example, in schools: at what point in transition is it the right call to switch? It recently came to my attention that there was a trans boy encouraged to socially transition and use the boys restroom by the school but was then bullied and assaulted (part of a bigger story), but that doesn’t sit well with me. A friend was telling me of a similar situation (daily assaults from the boys in the restroom) - when kids have known you as “ a boy” or “a girl” and suddenly you switch (you may not present especially different on top of it)… that is rough. As you probably know the degree of privacy is varied on the restroom, so that is definitely something to fix. And lastly, data shows women and girls are protected from predators better by single sex bathrooms than by unisex bathrooms, at least in part by the convention that says men don’t belong in the restrooms. I’m not advocating for ID checks or anything, but there used to be a lot of self policing in the women’s restrooms… comments about a boy being too old (usually boys stop using women’s restrooms at around five, but sometimes later at busy places like an airport if there’s only mom) or less desirably of a butch lesbian who doesn’t read as female enough. I don’t think that anything is too big to overcome, but it does require people openly and honestly talking about trade-offs.
Yeah...no assaults in the bathroom please...I don’t know what the best course is with kids and schools as far as transition. This one is too hard/big for me.
Maci, I’m curious what you think… I’m inclined to think transition shouldn’t happe until some age, 18? 21? 25? I don’t know. But until then, exploration of identity should be accepted and maybe even normalized. I feel like if that was the social norm, it could accommodate free expression and help for kids with gender dysphoria while not putting developing people in such new and unexplored situations. I could be wrong, but I feel like being a teen in the 90s was a lot more flexible about these things than it is now. Some will say trans is a tiny population, but amongst the teens it can be upwards of 20%. Not that they are all trying to change restrooms and dressing rooms, or even changing how they present that much. But it seems like we do need some kind of societal consensus… what do you think?
I think 20% is a really exaggerated number. I think teens follow trends, and trans is trending. Teens are trans the same way suburban white guys who listen to rap are black. Problem is this is what has political power because real trans is such a tiny minority.
Generally agree with what you are saying. There are some exceptions about childhood transition, but it is the exception not the norm.
Oh! I agree. Based on the experience I have with my oldest, 20% is depending on the group, pretty common. Depending on what you call transitioning. My oldest (16) had a friend who changed to a boy name and uses “he/him” pronouns… no change in hair or dress, even continued wearing eye make up. There are a lot of new names and pronouns, but that’s it. If you ask, they will “identify” as some trans identity… I feel bad for the teachers, because it is a lot to keep track of. When I argued with my oldest that probably most of her friends “aren’t really going to turn out to be trans” the bitter answer was “so which of my friends is lying?!” That doesn’t sound like open exploration to me. Maybe I’m just old. I do know a child that transitioned at 3. The child was insistent since speaking that he was a boy. He is about 12 now, I’m curious what will happen now. It seems like it would be just as jarring if suddenly the kid you have known as a boy is going through girl puberty. I feel nothing but compassion, it just seems like we really need a new consensus. I can see here people personally being a jerk to you, when you are kindly engaging in good faith, so I don’t imagine this conflict is healthy for developing young people just trying to figure stuff out. But what to do about it…
Hi Maci, in general I agree with you about bathrooms. In specific, as a society there are still some issues to resolve about it. For example, in schools: at what point in transition is it the right call to switch? It recently came to my attention that there was a trans boy encouraged to socially transition and use the boys restroom by the school but was then bullied and assaulted (part of a bigger story), but that doesn’t sit well with me. A friend was telling me of a similar situation (daily assaults from the boys in the restroom) - when kids have known you as “ a boy” or “a girl” and suddenly you switch (you may not present especially different on top of it)… that is rough. As you probably know the degree of privacy is varied on the restroom, so that is definitely something to fix. And lastly, data shows women and girls are protected from predators better by single sex bathrooms than by unisex bathrooms, at least in part by the convention that says men don’t belong in the restrooms. I’m not advocating for ID checks or anything, but there used to be a lot of self policing in the women’s restrooms… comments about a boy being too old (usually boys stop using women’s restrooms at around five, but sometimes later at busy places like an airport if there’s only mom) or less desirably of a butch lesbian who doesn’t read as female enough. I don’t think that anything is too big to overcome, but it does require people openly and honestly talking about trade-offs.
Yeah...no assaults in the bathroom please...I don’t know what the best course is with kids and schools as far as transition. This one is too hard/big for me.
Maci, I’m curious what you think… I’m inclined to think transition shouldn’t happe until some age, 18? 21? 25? I don’t know. But until then, exploration of identity should be accepted and maybe even normalized. I feel like if that was the social norm, it could accommodate free expression and help for kids with gender dysphoria while not putting developing people in such new and unexplored situations. I could be wrong, but I feel like being a teen in the 90s was a lot more flexible about these things than it is now. Some will say trans is a tiny population, but amongst the teens it can be upwards of 20%. Not that they are all trying to change restrooms and dressing rooms, or even changing how they present that much. But it seems like we do need some kind of societal consensus… what do you think?
I think 20% is a really exaggerated number. I think teens follow trends, and trans is trending. Teens are trans the same way suburban white guys who listen to rap are black. Problem is this is what has political power because real trans is such a tiny minority.
Generally agree with what you are saying. There are some exceptions about childhood transition, but it is the exception not the norm.
Oh! I agree. Based on the experience I have with my oldest, 20% is depending on the group, pretty common. Depending on what you call transitioning. My oldest (16) had a friend who changed to a boy name and uses “he/him” pronouns… no change in hair or dress, even continued wearing eye make up. There are a lot of new names and pronouns, but that’s it. If you ask, they will “identify” as some trans identity… I feel bad for the teachers, because it is a lot to keep track of. When I argued with my oldest that probably most of her friends “aren’t really going to turn out to be trans” the bitter answer was “so which of my friends is lying?!” That doesn’t sound like open exploration to me. Maybe I’m just old. I do know a child that transitioned at 3. The child was insistent since speaking that he was a boy. He is about 12 now, I’m curious what will happen now. It seems like it would be just as jarring if suddenly the kid you have known as a boy is going through girl puberty. I feel nothing but compassion, it just seems like we really need a new consensus. I can see here people personally being a jerk to you, when you are kindly engaging in good faith, so I don’t imagine this conflict is healthy for developing young people just trying to figure stuff out. But what to do about it…
Its only been my life since 2013, and I’m 31 now.