How to Talk to Children about Race
with John McWhorter
Talking about race can be tricky at any age. But it’s especially difficult to talk to children about race, as it’s sometimes necessary to do. In this excerpt from our monthly Substack subscriber-only Q&A session, John and I field a question from a reader who is worried about how her five-year-old son is thinking and talking about race. If you want to watch the whole Q&A episode, and if you want the opportunity to ask a question yourself, click below to become a subscriber.
Oh wow I can’t believe my Q is featured! Here’s an update that I posted on the other thread:
I must admit that after posting, I bought a picture book about racism for my son (not by Kendi). However, I don’t think it helped, so John was correct that I should have kept it simple.
I interrogated my son about the “why” without getting a solid answer. Then I asked him to think of the people knows with brown skin, and he listed his Asian friends (who are the exact same shade as my son). I said “Wait, what do you think you are?” and he said he’s white. (He’s half white, half Asian).
Ever since the incident last year, he has been insecure about not having light eyes and skin like me (his white mom) so I wonder if he has some internal prejudice. But I know it’s more than that, because last week, a group of Black kids came to the playground, and he complained to me that kids with “brown skin” were there. (I shushed him and he ended up playing with one of them.)
ANYWAY, I think I’m overanalyzing his comments which are not coherent or consistent. I’m going to try to chill.
But Glenn is absolutely right that as a parent, it’s scary to imagine anyone hearing my child say something “racist.” Honestly, I thought poorly of the white child who made fun of him last year. It’s good to remember that little kids say all sorts of things without understanding the context.
This is how society devolves and civilization collapses. I started school in the late 1960s in Alabama. Black kids, white kids, and me, looking not exactly like either of the other two. That was unusual back then. No one was talking about multiculturalism or appropriation or diversity or any of the other nonsense that infects society today. And keep in mind the time frame - my black classmates' parents have lived through the "colored only" era. So what happened? Nothing.
We were kids. We made it work, many of us going from first grade to high school graduation together. Along the way, we played ball together, socialized together, had lunch together, and so forth. About all that did not happen was interracial dating, as it was not as socially acceptable anywhere back then, not just the South. No one claimed victimhood or oppression or whatever else is in fashion today, and these kids were far closer to unpleasant parts of our history than anyone who's making noise today.
The one thing you will get from kids is honesty and often, honesty without a filter. They see what's going on around them. They notice who is doing what. Mostly, theirs is a self-centered world. If they have a couple of friends of the opposite race, then race is not an issue. But when they see kids who look alike acting in similar fashion, they will start to form associations. It doesn't have to be black kids doing bad things; it can be any group. That doesn't make one racist.
We have slid backward in this regard since the 60s, hard as that may be to believe for anyone who was not alive then. Race has turned into a cudgel today. Look at how the hapless Lori Lightfoot tried blaming her election loss as evidence of not just racism, but also sexism. Never mind that spike in violent under her watch that mostly impacted black people. Oh, no; the issue was not her, it's others. Her type of thinking has gained currency and spread to other minority groups. If a member has a negative outcome, it's never the person's fault, it's the result of some ism or phobia. No wonder kids today are depressed in unprecedented numbers. No wonder so many are suicidal. No wonder so many seek attention by claiming to have been born in the wrong body.